Thoughts...

I really want to write. Sometimes there's just so much I want to say, but the words won't come out, none of it really makes sense. It makes sense in my head, but I try to talk and I go blank. Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me but myself.

It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep, this really sucks. I'm so tired of being stressed out and feeling bad. You know, I'd bet that school has taken off about 10 years of my life. ugh. Oh yeah, and I hate headaches that last all day.

I was looking back on some old pictures from like 5 years ago, and realized this one particular time in my life where I was really, really happy. I wish I had that feeling back, I wish I could wake up every morning like I used to and really be excited for the day because my life in reality was a lot better than in my dreams...now I can't even dream cause I can't sleep! Arghh.
Anyways, my point is that I miss those times...those really innocent, carefree days that I wished away. I can specifically remember always wishing for the next thing to happen in my life. When I was 13, I wanted to drive. When I was 16, I was ready to graduate high school, when I got to college, I started thinking automatically about grad school and getting a career.
I wish for once in my life, I could just stop and be content with where I am today and right now. *Shrug* I can only hope, I guess. I only hope I won't look back when I'm 50 and wish that I hadn't wished my life away so quickly and instead of enjoying the moment, I was always planning for the next thing to come; I can only hope that I'll look back and say, "Wow, I would do that all over again in a heartbeat."...I can only hope.

I don't even know how I feel. I'm not angry and I'm not depressed...I'm just confused.